And the winner is.....Houseguest! (aka Mom)

Last weekend was my birthday-yay me! Side note: I have been doing this blog for over a year! Can you believe it....*sigh* It was over a year ago since this---> Click here! 

 I have come so far....or ... have I?

So anyway, it was my birthday and my mom came out to visit me for a few days. I tried desperately to be ready for her. I had lists people! House cleaning lists, grocery lists, activity lists and a list of new recipes to try! Then, life happened. And by the time it was practically game time (night before my mom arrived) my lists had turned into something more like What Are The Absolute Bare Minimum Items I Need to Accomplish In Order To Trick My Houseguest Into Thinking I Was Totally 100% Prepared For Her Arrival List. So here is what happened

Day 1-I still had to work this day so my mom was left to bask in the Arizona sun. Rough life I know. As I was scrambling to get ready for work  leisurely preparing for my work day I pulled out some frozen tilapia from the freezer and placed in the microwave to defrost for the day. In that moment I realized that I hadn't cleaned to microwave since we moved into our new apartment last July. THE HORROR!!! I frantically thought to myself, "Maybe she won't notice that it looks like someone died in there...." Right? When I got home from work that day my mom prances over to the kitchen, so excited to show me something. "Look what I did!". She opens the microwave like friggin' Vanna White. Her words, "Kels, it looked like someone died in there."

Houseguest-1   Host-0.

Day 2- I was showering and getting ready for our fun packed day of....well....that activity list wasn't exactly complete, so we didn't have much of a plan. Anyways, I was getting ready. Since we are amazing puppy parents we have trained Charlie to sit/lay nicely on our bed as we get ready. It is awesome. But this particular day I put him on the bed as per usual and when I got out of the shower he wasn't on the bed. Our door was shut so there was only so many places he could have been. I start calling for him and I hear his little collar jingling under the bed. So, towel and all, I get down to look under the bed. I see no puppy. I hear puppy but I see no puppy. It takes me a minute to realize that my puppy had created a hole UNDERNEATH OUR BOX SPRING MATTRESS and is UP IN the box spring ... just hanging out. The puppy mom in me starts freaking out. Still in my towel mind you I come running out of my bedroom, "OMG, MOOOOMMM he is STUCK in the mattress..bbbblllaaaa what do I do!" I of course though he was suffocating or something in there. He is going to ddddiiiiieeeeee. My mom is like,"Oh, this is no big deal, he totally did this yesterday. All you do is like maneuver him out...like this!" She gets down on all fours,  crawls under my bed and practically climbs up into my BOX SPRING to get Charlie out. "See, he is fine!"

ughh.

Houseguest-2   Host-0.


Day 3- Remember when I told you I had a list of new recipes! This is something I actually accomplished...kind of! yay! New recipe of the day-Taco Pizza. Had I been really domestic, I would have fixed up homemade whole wheat pizza dough. Instead, I bought Pillsbury pizza dough in a tube! Healthy I know. On the tube it told me to flatten out the dough. Simple enough. So I start kneading and pressing and pushing and shoving and violently pounding and WHY WON'T YOU FLATTEN. WHIIIINNNE. I could not get it to flatten out! I would push and press and it would flatten then slowly and slyly unflatten. Argh. What do I have in my kitchen drawer o' greatness to solve this. Then natural answer would be a rolling pin.

I don't have a rolling pin...hmmmmm....what is this!? A meat tenderizer. Perfect.

So move into a corner of the kitchen where no one can see me and I start POUNDING AWAY. My mom notices right away. "What are you doing!"She said laughing. "Here let me handle this part".  And voila-pizza pie!

Houseguest-3   Host-0.

Wait. It was delightful and I made it!.....Houseguest-3   Host- 1/2.


However, I did get one full point during the weekend. I promised my mom I wouldn't post this so don't tell her. Ever since I started volunteering with Wyldlife (see this post Wyldlife! ), I have picked up a number of phrases that middle schoolers frequently say. I never realized it was a foreign language until this. Or that I was turning into one of them.  One such phrase, "Oooohhhhhh snap!" Translation-daaaaannng chica, or in your face, or I am totally awesome.

We were driving in the car and my mom quizzically asks me, "What does snap mean?" I was confused for a moment then she said, "Ever since I arrived you have been saying, 'Oh snap.'" All I could do was laugh and tell her she would have to be 12 and totally awesome to understand. Obviously.

Don't worry mom the final score is still Houseguest-3   Host- 1 and 1/2.

You rock.

Puppy!

I just realized that I have not officially posted about the new addition to the household of adventures. His name is CHARLIE. Yes, Charlie as in, "Charlie bit me. Ouch, Charlie that huurrt!" (If you don't know what I am talking about you have been living under a rock, but go here!)

Here is the thing about puppies. You can't just go look at them and then go home, which was our plan all along back in October. "Lets just go look, husband!, said I.  We walked into the door at breaders and he ran up to us and practically jumped into our arms! It killed me. When we left, we drove one block away and I said to husband, "Wait! Stop! We can't lllleeeaaavvveee him!"

He shot us with these puppy eyes (I call them "zingers", because I am both clever and whitty) and we couldn't resist him. I get zinged with these on a daily basis and can barely say no. I am going to be so bad once we start having actual human babies.

So here is the real story for my bloggity blog today. Since our puppy was unplanned (hehe) and we had a trip home for Christmas planned since September we decided we need to bring him home with us. So, the weekend before I decided to do a load of laundry of Charlie related things in preparation for our travels home-towels, ugly Christmas sweaters (of course) AND a Charlie blanket.

The blanket was a last minute decision. A brilliant one at that. It was one of those throw blankets that I have had for years with no tag. A tag that probably would have said something like, "dry clean only" or "never put this in the washing machine." Instead, I ended up with a murderish looking scene in my washing machine. Oh, did I mention the blanket was maroon.

Besides for the blanket bits all over the place everything in the washing machine was died a nice shade of maroon. That was fun. Luckily, as mentioned before this load was all of Charlie's things, and not something of great value. But still. This WOULD happen to me. I didn't have any other solution to this mess except for a willing husband and a vaccum arm.

I would like to blame the whole ordeal on Charlie. Because it is totally his fault. But then he zings me with those eyes and does stuff like this, and nothing could ever be his fault.

Eeeek soo squishylilpuppyfreakinface!

Epic Battle

Every morning it comes down to me vs. my spatula which has assumed its position: DEATH GRIP on the left over egg bits. This battle is no match for a mere scrub brush, no! My spatula spits in the face of my scrub brush. The only worthy competitor thus far is a dirty, already in the dishwasher, have to pull it out again for battle, steak knife (OF DEATH). Oh, this battle is an ugly one, I would never wish it upon any of you. Egg bits flying all over the sink, battle scars (or scrape marks, however you want to call it) all over my spatula inflicted by the steak knife/KNIGHT. But in the end, only one can win-Sir knifesalot for the win!

Seriously people, is there such thing as NON STICK spatulas!?!?

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On another, unrelated note, I think I might have done something horrible tonight. I don't know these things, but my guess it it is pretty much a violation of all things good and holy in the housewife handbook. Okay so, I may or may not have washed Mr.Z's DRY CLEAN ONLY suit pants with a load of laundry tonight. Unknowingly, I promise! They are hanging up now (because I assume DRY CLEAN ONLY means I can't put them in the dryer)...but I am half way afraid they are going burst into flames. I don't know what the penally for such a violation is!

My husband, the sweetheart that he is, promises me it will all be okay. But, he doesn't even own a housewife handbook so what does he know-psh!