Dear Future Puppy Sitter

This post is dedicated to Kara and Billy, the ready and willing couple who doesn't know what they are getting into...

Dear Future Puppy Sitter,
   Charlie is a sweet dog, he really is. I can't explain him or his actions. I promise I didn't teach them these things. There is really only one thing I would like to say. Please don't judge me.

Point the first-Toys
    This puppy has a skill for destroying things. When I gather his toys together at the end of each night (I really do try to keep a put together home...) it looks like a bomb went off and dismembered them.

But what can I do, he loves his creepy pink bunny, the monkey that now resembles a snake and his inside out wingless tailless pheasant (don't ask me what the blue thing is...I have no clue). This being said, WHY WOULD I BUY HIM MORE TOYS WHEN THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO THEM. So, when I bring you a pile of his toys to play with when I am gone....please don't judge me. 

ALSO- despite my efforts of buying him any toys in the first place he tends to choose water bottles and weird plastic pieces of who knows what instead. So if you allow my puppy to come into your house HIDE YOUR PLASTIC....and please...don't judge me. 

Point the second-Meal Times

     We feed Charlie. I promise.  At meal times he will try to convince you otherwise. After you feed him his allotted amount he will try to tell you that his parents NEVER feed him. He is STARVING...PLEASE JUST ONE MORE BITE! I don't know why he acts like we never feed him....but please don't judge me. 

Point the third-Judgment on your soul. 

     I didn't teach him this look. But he tends to give me this look like his is judging me for EVERYTHING. The majority of the time he is sweet and cuddly and lovey...but every once in a while. 

BAM:

Puppy sitter, he might give you this look every once in a while. He doesn't mean it I am sure....but please don't judge me if he does. 

All that to say. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING MY PUPPY!

Have fun.

Things

I promise I think about this blog more than I POST on this blog (the opposite of how I want life to be going) and the PROOF is archived in the pictures I take with my phone. Pretty much once a week I think-Hey! That could go in my blog! *snap snap*. So, here are the things that have been in my phone for the past month (MAYBE more...... ) :

Thing 1. One day I was at the grocery store and when I was in the face wash isle I thought - gosh my pores are gross and big. I will buy a $3.00 weird mask-in-a-pouch! This is totally going to solve my problem, and I DO NOT want need a fancy schamcy spa facial this will be perfect!

Don't worry, best $3.00 I have ever spent to make myself look like a serial killer. 

Thing 2.  Charlie was neutered last weekend. The puppy mom in me had the hardest time bringing him home in that cone. He looked so pathetic. 

At first, he didn't know what to do with it. We would find him staring at walls because he didn't think he could move. Then, when he started to move he would hit the cone on the walls and the couch. Zero depth perception. It would totally freak him out. He has had to where the cone all week and he is starting to get used to it. He is starting to get used to it. And also, his bed is now his new favorite toy.

Thing 3. Look how pretty my tupperware cabinet is. 

Thing 4. I made LASAGNA last night. The only way a person like me knows how. Crockpot style. AKA throw things in and turn it on. Instant dinner. But here are some questions I have about this particular meal. 

-Eggplant. Why is it so weird? I guess before last night I have NEVER prepared and/or touched eggplant. There were no seeds. It kinda freaked me out. Seems like it NEEDS seeds. 

-Parsley. I don't know what parsley is supposed to look like. Whenever a recipe calls for something green and leafy (besides lettuce) it takes me like HOURS to find it in the grocery store. The only thing I could find was freaking parsley in a tube.  Is this even normal?

-Mess. WHY does it look like a bomb went off in my kitchen whenever I try to make dinner that didn't come in a box!? There has to be a solution to this I do not know about. 

Thing 4. Haha,... I forgot how many "things" I have on this post....already.  Thing 5. I have 5 things to talk about! Do you know how LONG it took me to write this post? 

Add one laptop with a dead battery to one puppy who decides he needs to go out ever 5 minutes AND jump on me and my dead battery laptop = 2 hours. Martha Stewart could probably get 5 things on her blog in 5 minutes. And it would be all cute and teal and titled, "5 ways to get 5 things on your blog in 5 minutes."

Mine is just titled, "Things".....yea.