For-eh-va

The title of this post is supposed to make you think of The Sandlot. I hope that was effective. I know that is has been about 4 months since my last post. In blog world that is like a million years. In five bullet points our less I will try to sum up my life over the last million years and maybe you will forgive me:
* I got a new job (yay!)
* That job is at a University which means I get to start my free master's program soon...which means I have had to spend time preparing/researching which one to choose before I started
* Mr. Z started his life as a real student doctor in a clinic working on real patients. Which is a huge improvement from this creepy thing:

* I don't know why I can never come up with five things, but trust me those three took a lot of time. Okay.

That being said I have some things to update you on. But first a story. 

Once upon a time when this Housewife was just a small princess she used to watch a show called Rescue 9-1-1. This show often had scary stories about real life people who's houses burned down from leaving a candle lit or a Christmas lit tree gone bad. Because of this Princess Housewife has one (of many) irrational fears of her house burning down from some odd ball house disaster. Que Wednesday night. 

Princess Housewife, "Husband I smell something burning! What is it!? We are going to die!"

Husband and Princess Housewife scramble around the small apartment attempting to find the source of burning smell. Princess Housewife notices smoke coming out of the dish washer. In the end, the travel mug lid never had a chance:

You think I would have learned my lesson when only a few months prior we lost two spoons in the same tragic situation:

So now that it has officially been one year and one month since we moved into the apartment I love I can now share decorating pictures with you! It has taken me a long time to get it together okay!

First the kitchen, color scheme inspiration for most of the house:

OoOoO cute. Reds and blacks and whites. 

Welcome to my living room and dining room:

Aaaannnnd the delightfully decorated bedroom:

The End. To conclude this lovely random blog, it was Mr. Z's bday this week:

I cannot take credit for the cake but I can take credit for the TEE LIGHT birthday candles. Because only a sophisticated housewife would have REAL ones.

And the winner is.....Houseguest! (aka Mom)

Last weekend was my birthday-yay me! Side note: I have been doing this blog for over a year! Can you believe it....*sigh* It was over a year ago since this---> Click here! 

 I have come so far....or ... have I?

So anyway, it was my birthday and my mom came out to visit me for a few days. I tried desperately to be ready for her. I had lists people! House cleaning lists, grocery lists, activity lists and a list of new recipes to try! Then, life happened. And by the time it was practically game time (night before my mom arrived) my lists had turned into something more like What Are The Absolute Bare Minimum Items I Need to Accomplish In Order To Trick My Houseguest Into Thinking I Was Totally 100% Prepared For Her Arrival List. So here is what happened

Day 1-I still had to work this day so my mom was left to bask in the Arizona sun. Rough life I know. As I was scrambling to get ready for work  leisurely preparing for my work day I pulled out some frozen tilapia from the freezer and placed in the microwave to defrost for the day. In that moment I realized that I hadn't cleaned to microwave since we moved into our new apartment last July. THE HORROR!!! I frantically thought to myself, "Maybe she won't notice that it looks like someone died in there...." Right? When I got home from work that day my mom prances over to the kitchen, so excited to show me something. "Look what I did!". She opens the microwave like friggin' Vanna White. Her words, "Kels, it looked like someone died in there."

Houseguest-1   Host-0.

Day 2- I was showering and getting ready for our fun packed day of....well....that activity list wasn't exactly complete, so we didn't have much of a plan. Anyways, I was getting ready. Since we are amazing puppy parents we have trained Charlie to sit/lay nicely on our bed as we get ready. It is awesome. But this particular day I put him on the bed as per usual and when I got out of the shower he wasn't on the bed. Our door was shut so there was only so many places he could have been. I start calling for him and I hear his little collar jingling under the bed. So, towel and all, I get down to look under the bed. I see no puppy. I hear puppy but I see no puppy. It takes me a minute to realize that my puppy had created a hole UNDERNEATH OUR BOX SPRING MATTRESS and is UP IN the box spring ... just hanging out. The puppy mom in me starts freaking out. Still in my towel mind you I come running out of my bedroom, "OMG, MOOOOMMM he is STUCK in the mattress..bbbblllaaaa what do I do!" I of course though he was suffocating or something in there. He is going to ddddiiiiieeeeee. My mom is like,"Oh, this is no big deal, he totally did this yesterday. All you do is like maneuver him out...like this!" She gets down on all fours,  crawls under my bed and practically climbs up into my BOX SPRING to get Charlie out. "See, he is fine!"

ughh.

Houseguest-2   Host-0.


Day 3- Remember when I told you I had a list of new recipes! This is something I actually accomplished...kind of! yay! New recipe of the day-Taco Pizza. Had I been really domestic, I would have fixed up homemade whole wheat pizza dough. Instead, I bought Pillsbury pizza dough in a tube! Healthy I know. On the tube it told me to flatten out the dough. Simple enough. So I start kneading and pressing and pushing and shoving and violently pounding and WHY WON'T YOU FLATTEN. WHIIIINNNE. I could not get it to flatten out! I would push and press and it would flatten then slowly and slyly unflatten. Argh. What do I have in my kitchen drawer o' greatness to solve this. Then natural answer would be a rolling pin.

I don't have a rolling pin...hmmmmm....what is this!? A meat tenderizer. Perfect.

So move into a corner of the kitchen where no one can see me and I start POUNDING AWAY. My mom notices right away. "What are you doing!"She said laughing. "Here let me handle this part".  And voila-pizza pie!

Houseguest-3   Host-0.

Wait. It was delightful and I made it!.....Houseguest-3   Host- 1/2.


However, I did get one full point during the weekend. I promised my mom I wouldn't post this so don't tell her. Ever since I started volunteering with Wyldlife (see this post Wyldlife! ), I have picked up a number of phrases that middle schoolers frequently say. I never realized it was a foreign language until this. Or that I was turning into one of them.  One such phrase, "Oooohhhhhh snap!" Translation-daaaaannng chica, or in your face, or I am totally awesome.

We were driving in the car and my mom quizzically asks me, "What does snap mean?" I was confused for a moment then she said, "Ever since I arrived you have been saying, 'Oh snap.'" All I could do was laugh and tell her she would have to be 12 and totally awesome to understand. Obviously.

Don't worry mom the final score is still Houseguest-3   Host- 1 and 1/2.

You rock.

Dear Future Puppy Sitter

This post is dedicated to Kara and Billy, the ready and willing couple who doesn't know what they are getting into...

Dear Future Puppy Sitter,
   Charlie is a sweet dog, he really is. I can't explain him or his actions. I promise I didn't teach them these things. There is really only one thing I would like to say. Please don't judge me.

Point the first-Toys
    This puppy has a skill for destroying things. When I gather his toys together at the end of each night (I really do try to keep a put together home...) it looks like a bomb went off and dismembered them.

But what can I do, he loves his creepy pink bunny, the monkey that now resembles a snake and his inside out wingless tailless pheasant (don't ask me what the blue thing is...I have no clue). This being said, WHY WOULD I BUY HIM MORE TOYS WHEN THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO THEM. So, when I bring you a pile of his toys to play with when I am gone....please don't judge me. 

ALSO- despite my efforts of buying him any toys in the first place he tends to choose water bottles and weird plastic pieces of who knows what instead. So if you allow my puppy to come into your house HIDE YOUR PLASTIC....and please...don't judge me. 

Point the second-Meal Times

     We feed Charlie. I promise.  At meal times he will try to convince you otherwise. After you feed him his allotted amount he will try to tell you that his parents NEVER feed him. He is STARVING...PLEASE JUST ONE MORE BITE! I don't know why he acts like we never feed him....but please don't judge me. 

Point the third-Judgment on your soul. 

     I didn't teach him this look. But he tends to give me this look like his is judging me for EVERYTHING. The majority of the time he is sweet and cuddly and lovey...but every once in a while. 

BAM:

Puppy sitter, he might give you this look every once in a while. He doesn't mean it I am sure....but please don't judge me if he does. 

All that to say. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING MY PUPPY!

Have fun.

Things

I promise I think about this blog more than I POST on this blog (the opposite of how I want life to be going) and the PROOF is archived in the pictures I take with my phone. Pretty much once a week I think-Hey! That could go in my blog! *snap snap*. So, here are the things that have been in my phone for the past month (MAYBE more...... ) :

Thing 1. One day I was at the grocery store and when I was in the face wash isle I thought - gosh my pores are gross and big. I will buy a $3.00 weird mask-in-a-pouch! This is totally going to solve my problem, and I DO NOT want need a fancy schamcy spa facial this will be perfect!

Don't worry, best $3.00 I have ever spent to make myself look like a serial killer. 

Thing 2.  Charlie was neutered last weekend. The puppy mom in me had the hardest time bringing him home in that cone. He looked so pathetic. 

At first, he didn't know what to do with it. We would find him staring at walls because he didn't think he could move. Then, when he started to move he would hit the cone on the walls and the couch. Zero depth perception. It would totally freak him out. He has had to where the cone all week and he is starting to get used to it. He is starting to get used to it. And also, his bed is now his new favorite toy.

Thing 3. Look how pretty my tupperware cabinet is. 

Thing 4. I made LASAGNA last night. The only way a person like me knows how. Crockpot style. AKA throw things in and turn it on. Instant dinner. But here are some questions I have about this particular meal. 

-Eggplant. Why is it so weird? I guess before last night I have NEVER prepared and/or touched eggplant. There were no seeds. It kinda freaked me out. Seems like it NEEDS seeds. 

-Parsley. I don't know what parsley is supposed to look like. Whenever a recipe calls for something green and leafy (besides lettuce) it takes me like HOURS to find it in the grocery store. The only thing I could find was freaking parsley in a tube.  Is this even normal?

-Mess. WHY does it look like a bomb went off in my kitchen whenever I try to make dinner that didn't come in a box!? There has to be a solution to this I do not know about. 

Thing 4. Haha,... I forgot how many "things" I have on this post....already.  Thing 5. I have 5 things to talk about! Do you know how LONG it took me to write this post? 

Add one laptop with a dead battery to one puppy who decides he needs to go out ever 5 minutes AND jump on me and my dead battery laptop = 2 hours. Martha Stewart could probably get 5 things on her blog in 5 minutes. And it would be all cute and teal and titled, "5 ways to get 5 things on your blog in 5 minutes."

Mine is just titled, "Things".....yea.